We may be so consumed by our own worries, fears and frustrations that we don't realise how our moods and behaviours impact upon other people - and how this in turn can damage our relationships, as well as our home or work environment.
As a boss/manager/leader you may have the illusion of competence and of being admired and respected by your peers and colleagues for your 'no-nonsense' approach or 'not suffering fools gladly' or 'taking no prisoners'; but that may not be what is said about you behind your back!
We are all impacted and affected by the moods of those around us - whether that be the moods of just one person with whom we have regular contact; or the emotional cloud of a group, crowd or mob.
The term for this is Emotional Contagion - and it can be seen on a large scale in the jubilation of the winning crowd; in national mourning for a beloved public figure; and the mob violence, looting and destruction seen across the country and the world.
We are all connected 'energetically' and we all affect one another.
As adults we must take responsibility for our moods and find an effective way to balance them and to live a calmer happier life.
We may be plagued with feelings of guilt and/or shame; fear of failure, humiliation and rejection; resentment and hostility; self-loathing; jealousy/envy; anger/rage; and more.
Any of these is a heavy weight to carry - but we cannot expect others to carry it for us and change their behaviour to accommodate our psychological and emotional imbalances!
The patience of any happy, loving, considerate and thoughtful person will be severely tested by being 'infected' by the chronic anxiety, despondency, apathy, shame, guilt, envy, neuroses, victim-hood, anger, aggression, dominance, or bullying from another person.....particularly in close relationships or with work colleagues.
We can use the analogy here of wavelength frequencies - those on a similar wavelength to us enrich our lives and vitalise us; those on consistently lower frequencies drain our energy and resources, and impair our experience of life.
We may have to make a 'tough-love' decision not to be around those people if they are unwilling to learn how to change their moods and behaviours.
Unhealthy and dysfunctional behaviours tend to be driven by deeper unexpressed needs, and these will benefit from being acknowledged, known and met.
We all have a tendency to 'stress-bond' too. That means we find people with similar grievances/hurts/fears as our own, and then have 'circular conversations' to mutually offload and maybe even seek advice from another about our relationships/business concerns etc. This advice, however well-meaning, can only be a reflection of the other person's own personal history and belief system and will probably not 'fit' for us in our personal experience of our life.
Indeed it may make things worse!
A better source of help can come from a trained and experienced professional who doesn't know us personally or have a vested interest in our personal life.
So, unless you want your colleagues, partner, children, and others tip-toeing around so as to 'not rock your boat' you have to find the courage to do something about your infectious emotionality before it reaches the level of contagion!
Written By Maxine Harley Msc Integrative Psychotherapy - Psychotherapy in Sussex and creator of 'The Ripple Effect' Process and Quantum Psyche Process see http://www.qpp.uk.com/
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